Teaching Kids About their Superpowers

My wife and I have two adult children, Bethany and Jonathan. In addition, I’ve spent a great deal of my life with students, as a leader and an educator. One of the most meaningful elements of my work is helping young people discover their superpowers.

My daughter, Bethany, has always been discerning. At eighteen years old, she got a jury summons, and was chosen to serve on a trial by both attorneys because she was young, and they felt she’d be an easy juror to persuade. The court case was a heavy one—armed robbery and murder at a convenient store. The case went on for days until finally the jury was dismissed to deliberate. The debate went on for quite a while, as jurors waffled on whether the defendant was innocent or guilty. After hours of discussion, one noticed that Bethany remained silent the entire time. The juror spoke to her and asked, “Young lady, you’ve not said a word. What do you think about this case?” 

Bethany reflected for a moment, then replied, “Did you all notice that when the defendant was on the witness stand, he had a nervous habit of playing with his shirt collar?” One by one, jurors nodded in agreement; they had all seen this man anxiously rub his collar as he answered the questions. Next, Bethany said, “Could we watch the video of the crime again?” When the jurors watched the surveillance camera video, the verdict became obvious. Although the suspect wore a mask, he nervously played with his collar in the precise same way. The jury’s verdict was unanimous, and the defendant was found guilty.

Afterward, the judge approached Bethany when he heard what she’d done and thanked her for her investigative work. This judge had information that no one else had; he knew this criminal was guilty but also knew the jury had to decide. He affirmed Bethany’s gift of discernment.

I have watched that superpower grow as she has aged. Today, Bethany is a therapist, and a good one at that—very intuitive, asks great questions, digests the collective data with a client and gets to the heart of the issue. To say I’m a proud dad would be an understatement.

She found her superpower and is utilizing it to solve problems and serve people.

How Do We Talk to Our Kids About Their Superpowers?

Find a place that’s distraction-free and safe to converse. Try talking over these six statements.

1. THEIR SUPERPOWER IS A NATURAL STRENGTH THEY POSSESS.

Superpower is a common term to describe a unique strength, gift, or talent inside of us. Everyone has a superpower, and the sooner kids discover it, the less likely they are to struggle with self-esteem, emotional security, or comparison traps. My son tried all kinds of extracurricular activities growing up and nothing stood out. When he stepped onto a stage, he found his superpower, and everything changed. He found his college major and career.

2. IT CAN GO UNNOTICED BY THEM BECAUSE IT’S SO NATURAL.

Have you ever noticed the greatest athletes aren’t always the best coaches? It’s because their ability came so naturally it was hard to train less gifted players in the learning process. When you see your kids operating in their superpower, they may not feel special because it comes so easily to them. They may draw, organize, plan, perform, or even hack smart technology well and feel like it’s a skill everyone would know. You may need to help them.

3. YOU’LL NOTICE THEY HAVE A DIFFERENT SPIRIT WHEN USING IT.

Both my kids wrestled with down days where they felt depressed. I recognized, however, that when they were using their superpower, their whole spirit changed. They were more confident, more comfortable, more intuitive, and even more influential when using it. It was like they found their “zone,” where they grew and learned more rapidly. Some psychologists call it finding our “flow.” People are at their best when they align with their superpower.

4. IT WILL BE RECOGNIZED BY OTHERS, SO THEY MUST LISTEN TO THOSE THEY RESPECT.

Because most kids struggle a bit with their sense of self, it’s important to stay close enough to them to affirm superpowers when you see them. Don’t use hyperbole; they can see right through that quickly. Make sure your comments are accurate and clarifying. As Carol Dweck reminds us, we cultivate a “growth mindset” instead of a “fixed mindset” when we affirm variables that are in their control not outside of it. Be their guide on the side.

5. IT CAN BE USED AS A TOOL OR A WEAPON.

There is a bright side and a shadow side to our superpowers. They can be used to build or to destroy. Teach your kids their superpowers can be used as a tool or as a weapon. As a child, Bethany’s visibility into people’s motives and behavior was adultlike. That discernment has served clients in therapy, yet, on a bad day, I’ve watched that discernment become hurtful to others. We must carefully leverage our superpowers to solve problems and serve people.

6. IT SHOULD BE FOCUSED ON AND CULTIVATED TO LEVERAGE FOR OTHERS.

While we want our kids to work on their weaknesses, they should play to their strengths. I believe your child’s superpower is hardwired into them and will lead to a satisfying life when they focus not on what they gain from it, but what they give to others. “Solving problems and serving people” is the fastest way to earn influence with others and the best way to feel meaning and fulfillment. Their best life is lived from values and adds value to others. Isn’t that what we learn from superheroes as they use their superpowers?

Wondering how else you can set up the next generation for success?

It helps when you know how to speak their language – how they’re thinking – what they value. Tim Elmore is the country’s leading expert in the emerging generation, and his book A New Kind of Diversity contains everything you need to know about connecting with – and influencing – the young leaders in your life. Pick up a copy here today.