Unpopular Opinion: Speak Last — 3 Techniques for Active Listening

There’s a statistic I heard a while back that still blows me away—85% of what we know, we’ve learned through listening. Not talking, not reading—listening. I consider myself a pretty educated person, and like everyone at Maxwell Leadership, I read a lot. But if that statistic is correct, then 85% of what I know—about people, about teams, about leadership—came from listening. But I think most of us would give ourselves credit for listening better than we actually do.

So if that’s the case, then how can I become an even better leader? I might first have to become an even better listener. 

3 Ways You Can Understand First by Speaking Last

Here are three ways I’ve found to get better at not just hearing, but active listening:

1. W.A.I.L.

No, not loudly weeping, but rather an acronym that stands for Why am I listening? This is intention setting before the conversation even begins. Am I listening to understand, or am I listening to respond? If I’m listening to respond, I won’t fully hear what the other person is saying. I might be mentally giving feedback before they finish a sentence. Or I might one-up their story or get defensive in my reply. If I’m engaging in active listening so that I can understand, however, then my responses might include follow-up questions. Or I might reiterate what was spoken but in a different way, so I can clarify what the other person is saying and lead the conversation better. My friend and coworker Perry likes to call it “daring to be dumb”… but it’s so you can ask good questions.

2. W.A.I.T.

Along the same lines as W.A.I.L. is W.A.I.T., which stands for Why am I talking? Often as leaders, we think our input is the most valuable, and so we take control of every conversation and lead it. But to improve at active listening (and therefore leading), we need to W.A.I.T. It’s a reminder not to talk for the sake of talking, but so that when it’s my time to respond, my words carry weight.

3. MASTER THE PAUSE.

How many times in a conversation have you interrupted someone and wound up saying, “I’m so sorry; go ahead and finish?” Maybe you realized they were just taking a breath and not really done with their train of thought? It’s okay to be comfortable with a pause or even a silence in a conversation to let the words settle and thoughts catch up to what was just said. It’s good to be patient and comfortable – even in silence.

Becoming intentional about improving active listening skills increases our connection and influence with people. Both professionally and personally, people want to be heard and for their voices to matter. And the best way to ensure that is to speak last and become a better listener…and therefore a better leader.

What are some of your best tips for being a better listener?

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About the author

Chris Goede, VP with Maxwell Leadership, is a seasoned leader, communicator and coach with an impressive track record spanning over two decades. With a rich history of starting, growing, and leading companies, Chris is a transformative force in the sphere of leadership development and high-performance team building.