Don’t Let a Few Complicated People Define Your Workplace Experience

When it comes to email, I am an inbox-zero kind of guy. If I haven’t cleared my emails by the end of the day, I feel frustrated and borderline anxious. This obviously presents challenges at times because some emails are too complicated to be addressed quickly. I’ve noticed that all it takes is a few of these challenging, complex emails to make me mutter in disgust, “I hate this! Email is broken! Who invented the internet, anyway?” A handful of pesky messages sabotages my attitude and makes me feel like avoiding my inbox altogether.

The same thing can happen with complicated people. A few quirky, nasty, grumpy interactions at work can be enough to make us say, “I hate this! People are terrible. Who invented teamwork, anyway?” It’s all too easy to let a small minority of people define our entire workplace experience.

In our research on working with complicated people, we discovered something that I find both fascinating and hope-inspiring. Most of us (84%, to be precise) deal regularly with one to five complicated individuals. That’s a small number. You can count them on one hand. Without too much effort, you could name them, describe them, draw a picture of them, or make a voodoo doll to represent them, if you so wish.

My point is that there is a finite number of these people, and they don’t represent all of your workplace relationships. Not even close. The problem is that they tend to have an outsized impact. They’re like a pack of Chihuahuas that won’t stop barking when you’re trying to sleep: They disproportionately captivate your attention and escalate your frustration. Even though most of your coworkers, employees, bosses, and clients are probably decent human beings (if not downright awesome ones), you can jump to the conclusion that yappy Chihuahuas have overrun the world.

So, how can we keep one to five complicated people from hijacking our workplace experience? I’m glad you asked.

1. NOTICE EVERYONE, NOT JUST COMPLICATED PEOPLE.

Frustration will tend to make you hyperfixate on “the bad guys,” but most people are not bad. Calm down, step back, and take stock of the people around you. If you need to, you might even list the names of the people causing you the most grief. But don’t stop there. Notice and name the other people, too—the ones who make your job a joy, or at least don’t make it suck. If your focus is constantly and exclusively on the complicated ones, it will eventually poison your perspective. But if you can see and truly appreciate the countless individuals who are slightly but not terribly complicated (starting, of course, with your own complicated self), you’ll have a much better mental and emotional outlook.

2. MENTALLY PREPARE FOR THE MORE COMPLICATED ONES.

Don’t let them surprise you. You already know one to five people are going to be problematic today, so be ready for it. With emails, I flag the ones that are likely going to cause me a headache, and that helps me remember there are only a limited number of them. While it’s not socially acceptable to pin red flags on mean people, you can make a mental note that a particular person is likely going to require extra care. That way you aren’t lumping “all people” under the “complicated” category.

3. TODAY, GET JUST A LITTLE BIT BETTER AT CONNECTING WITH COMPLICATED PEOPLE.

You probably can’t turn your workplace nemesis into your BFF in a day. But can you get a little bit better at working with them? Starting today? Remember, they are having an oversized influence on the quality of your work life, so it stands to reason that any improvement—no matter how incremental—will improve that experience significantly. Instead of rolling your eyes and just wishing they’d get fired or move away, try taking small steps toward better connection. The good news here is that every step forward will inspire even more hope, and it will make the next step that much easier.

Think of the one to five people who are most challenging for you. Then ask yourself: Am I defining my entire work environment based on these few people, or am I noticing everyone? Am I prepared to interact with these individuals in a wise, intentional way? And how could I get better—even if it’s just a little bit—at connecting with them?

A day that ends with inbox zero is satisfying, but it doesn’t even come close to a day filled with healthy, productive interactions with people. Most of those emails will be forgotten by next month anyway. But the people you work with? They make all the difference.

On April 8th, join Ryan Leak for a free, one-time webinar to celebrate the launch of his new book, How to Work With Complicated People.

This virtual event will be a deep dive into the world of working effectively with nearly anyone (yes, even the coworker you’re thinking of right now). Register here to gain practical strategies for improving your connections – and ultimately, your results.