How to Move Forward When You Can’t Move On

Moving forward and moving on aren’t the same moves.

There are some losses in life that will stay with us. They’re hard to move on from because reminders inevitably show up. 

For example, every Labor Day Weekend if there is a rain delay or a pause in matches at the US Open tennis tournament, the network will show something from the past every single time — the 1991 match between 39-year-old Jimmy Connors and 24-year-old Aaron Krickstein. Connors was on a miraculous run that week but was given little chance to defeat the younger Krickstein. The match lasted 4 hours and 41 minutes with Connors pulling off an epic, classic upset in five sets. It’s one of the reasons they show it every year.

Think about this from Aaron Krickstein’s perspective. Every Labor Day Weekend, he is reminded of the biggest loss of his career.  

Let’s think about this from your perspective. How do you respond when you’re reminded of the losses in your life? Do you move forward when you realize you can’t move on?

I saw an interview with Aaron Krickstein a few years ago. The purpose of the interview was to discuss, you guessed it, the ‘91 Open. But as I heard Aaron talk about this, I noticed something that amazed me — a peace, a gratitude for the moment, even the loss. 

“There’s so many great tennis matches over the years with great champions. Yet that match has been played more on TV and is more famous than probably any match other than maybe Borg–McEnroe at Wimbledon in 1980,” he said. “So it’s kind of cool to be associated with someone like Jimmy Connors, a great champion like him, and play a match like that at the Open, even though I lost.”

Wait, that’s impressive. Aaron Krickstein found a way to move forward even though he never moved on as a US Open champion.

Like Aaron, we’ve all had our share of losses in life. How we respond to the loss is actually more important than the loss.

And since we all take losses in life, I thought it might be helpful to list four ways to respond so that we can move forward, especially when it feels like you can’t move on:

1. DON’T BURY THE GRIEF.

When you bury grief, it grows, and the fruit grief grows is never healthy. 

2. FIND PERSPECTIVE.

Have you played in the US Open? Nope, me neither. Aaron Krickstein is one of the very, very few people who can say they have. That’s a great perspective. Find yours.

3. APPRECIATE WHAT WAS.

This usually takes time.  I doubt Aaron could have appreciated the match in the way he does now a year or two after it happened. In fact, it might have taken quite a while. But at some point, he began to appreciate what was, and when this happens, it helps you appreciate what is. 

4. LET GO BY TAKING ONE STEP FORWARD.

Today, Aaron Krickstein is the Director of Tennis at St. Andrews Club in Boca Raton, Florida. That’s a sweet gig! At some point, he decided to move forward one step at a time.

In 2014, he faced Jimmy Connors again in a charity tournament which is where this photo was taken. As impressive as Jimmy Connors career was, I’m drawn more toward the expression Aaron has in this photo. It shows me someone who has moved forward when life wants to remind you of your losses. 

We all have our losses in life, and the biggest ones tempt us to think we can’t move forward. 

Don’t confuse moving forward with moving on. You can’t change the loss but the loss can change you – for the better. 

If you don’t believe that, take a look at Aaron. There’s a peace there. And that’s a win over any loss.

Wondering how you can move on most effectively?

Speaker and business leader Jeff Henderson is one of today’s most sought-after thought leaders because he knows how to take the best next step. And his book, What to Do Next, is written to help people in all kinds of stages of transition. Whether you’re considering a change in career or you’re just having trouble figuring out what the next phase looks like, this book is for you.