Executive Podcast #235: How to Develop Resilience In Yourself and Others

Resilience is an important trait for leaders to possess because it allows them to persevere through  difficult times and bounce back from setbacks.

Leaders who have resilience are better equipped to handle the challenges and uncertainties that come with leadership positions.

In his book titled, “Resilience,” author and former US Navy SEAL, Eric Grietens, defines resilience as  “the virtue that enables people to move through hardship and become better.” Grietens goes on to  explain that “resilience is the key to a well-lived life. If you want happiness or success, you need  resilience.”

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Perry Holley:

Welcome to the Maxwell Leadership Executive Podcast, where our goal is to help you increase your reputation as a leader, to increase your ability to influence others, and increase your ability to fully engage your team to deliver remarkable results. Hi, I’m Perry Holley, a Maxwell Leadership facilitator and coach.

Chris Goede:

And I’m Chris Goede, Executive Vice President Maxwell Leadership. Welcome, and thank you for joining. If you want to download today’s learner guide, if you have a question or a comment for us, we’d love for you to visit maxwellleadership.com/podcast. Even more important than that, we just want to say thank you for listening and for sharing this content and taking this and having conversations with your team.

Perry Holley:

So many nice comments and questions. Yes, very nice.

Chris Goede:

So many nice comments. So we really, really appreciate that. Continue to do that. It’s what we do this for. We want it to be a value add, and we believe that every individual out there deserves to be led well. And this is a great tool to be able to do that. Well, today’s topic is titled How to Develop Resilience in Yourself and Others. I think this is a topic that is being talked about. I would say that, probably over the next several years, it’s going to be talked about even more, coming out of the last couple of years and what we have gone through. I think it’s an important trait for leaders to possess this themselves, but also their team, because it’s going to help you guys work through tough times and setbacks. And so, we need to understand that.

And I think, when you have resilience and you understand it, you’re better equipped to handle those challenges and the uncertainties that come with times, economic times, with leadership challenges, whatever it might be, that you are facing. I think being resilient is going to be something we want to talk about. So these definitely can be trying times for leaders. There’s a lot of uncertainty, and there are challenges at every turn. And we love challenges and we’re motivated by it, but we need to talk about, how do we become resilient as a leader in order to face all of those things?

Perry Holley:

Well, we’re all going to face tough things, and I just find that resilient people find a way through them and sometimes giving it better, coming through them, and they don’t let, even though there’s no guarantee you’re not going to suffer and have a hard time, you do come through it and you bounce back from it. My definition had always been the ability to rebound from tougher, challenging circumstances. So kind of way I thought about it. I was reading Navy SEAL Eric Greitens, I think he was also in politics in the Midwest, that he wrote a book called Resilience, and it’s really letters that he’s exchanging with another Navy SEAL that he’s trying to encourage. And what I took away from Greitens’ explanation of resilience was he called it “virtue that enables people to move through hardship and become better.” And I really liked that. He went on to say that “resilience is the key to a well-lived life.

If you want happiness or success, you absolutely have to be resilient to do that.” So it’s easy, I think, in our world to get caught in the mindset that “I deserve a hardship free life. Why can’t things be easier?” We find ourselves in unchartered waters or the circumstances around us are changing, the global pandemic. I can’t control that. But it left with uncertainties. Now, we’re in uncertain economies, what’s going on, but developing this resilience to me has been, “How do I move through these things and become better,” and he even says, “Happier because of it?” So that’s where I was going.

Chris Goede:

Yeah, I think it’s a differentiator for us that are leading during these times of understanding and learning how to become resilient. And I think, when you do that, it allows you to adapt to change, overcome obstacles, allows you to lead by example, maintain focus, build trust, and I think the most important one on this list, manage stress, which is a big part of that. And so, by you, as a leader, developing it, you also then be able to create a culture of resilience within your team, which will then, in turn, not only help the team, but also help those individuals that may be affected by challenges and opportunities, not only in the organization, but even maybe personally. We talk a lot on here about helping develop people personally and professionally, and this is one way to be able to do this. And I think it’ll help the team. So let’s share some ways of how to become more resilient.

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Perry Holley:

And I’ve kind of put it in the title, I want you thinking about yourself, for sure, but this is something I think leaders can really teach, to your point, about teach others. You’re going to see people that react in different ways, some positively, some negatively, in the dynamics, the circumstances that are going on around them. So how can we help them? And number one is to cultivate, develop, a growth mindset. If you’re not familiar with mindset and Carol Dweck’s work on that, about a fixed or a growth mindset, I think we have another podcast on that. But the growth mindset is really a person who believes that “I can get better. My intelligence is not fixed. My abilities are not fixed. They can grow.”

And you think about, if you’re continue growing and improving your skills, your abilities, if you embrace that growth mindset that, when you face these challenges, I think I shared on the podcast not too long ago about, I was going through a really hard time, a lot of expectations on me, a lot of demands, and I just thought, “Why is it so hard?” I just thought, “Maybe I should just quit. Maybe I’m in the wrong line.” And then, it hit me that this is what resilience is about. And the statement from Jim Rohn, that said, “Stop wishing things were easier. Wish you were better.” And that, to me, is the growth mindset. It could be hard for a moment, but if you are growing and learning, you’ll get better and you’ll come through it. And that’s what I want the growth mindset to mean.

Chris Goede:

If someone has a fixed mindset and believes that they can’t grow and improve, it’s going to be very difficult for them to be resilient and to lead through certain challenges and times. And we talk a lot about having this growth mindset versus a goal mindset. And I love the fact that, man, if we’re going to be resilience, it starts with ourself. That aligns with all the principles that we teach. But you got to be growing in that every single day. Well, number two, and this is something that, man, I want everybody to just really listen in here, because I think this is so important, no matter what level you lead, practice self-care. So number two, how do we develop resilience in yourself and others? Practice self-care. You have to take care of yourself in order to be resilient. That includes enough sleep. I’m not going to give you a certain number of hours, because it’s just enough for you personally. What do you need?

Perry Holley:

But you probably need more than you think.

Chris Goede:

Probably need more than you think. Are you eating well? Are you exercising? Are you taking breaks when you need? I know that, the older I get, I can’t imagine what it’s like for you, but there are times that I have to just be like, “Do I need to go take a nap? Do I need to take a little power nap?” But man, and even sometimes when I’m at home on the weekends, I take a nap, I’m like, “Man, that was awesome.” But you’re right, we probably need more than we are aware of, but you got to take care of yourself. And when you prioritize your self-care and what that looks like, man, you’ll be amazed at how you’re able to handle stress and challenges a lot differently.

Perry Holley:

Yes, and I didn’t see that coming, but…

Chris Goede:

For those that maybe aren’t watching on YouTube and are listening, Perry is still baffled by that comment. He will talk to me about that later. He will hold me accountable for that, a previous lesson.

Perry Holley:

I actually like that. That was really clever, which doesn’t normally happen by you, so…

Chris Goede:

I love it.

Perry Holley:

Okay. Self-care, this is personal taking… Practicing self-care is really something I’ve struggled with. I get busy, I’m focused, I am running hard, I’m traveling. It’s just so tempting to not get up and do the things you talked about. We joke about the airline says, “Put your mask on first.” That is really good advice. You’re no good to anyone going through the tough and difficult challenges of your business, of your life at your home. You’re no good to anyone if you’re not taking care of you. So it starts with the rest and how you treat yourself. I totally believe that what you said was exactly right there.

Chris Goede:

And let me just, also, exercise is extremely important. I know you’re a big advocate on getting your steps. And so, whether it’s walking, whether it’s doing something, exercise, under the weight that we carry as human beings and leaders, I just would encourage you to think about the self-care to be active in some way, and you’ll be amazed at how that helps reduce the stress. It makes you more resilient.

Perry Holley:

Was that a pun? You said “The weight we carry.”

Chris Goede:

Ooh, that’s good. You’re on your game today.

Perry Holley:

I am. Well, you got me focused now. Number three, we would think about being a person more resilient and teaching resilience was to build a support system. So you think about having taken care of self-care, but is a support system for you, having a network of supportive colleagues, people that we bounce things off of, our team acts like that a lot. Do I have mentors? Do I have friends? Like you said earlier, we cope with a lot of stress, a lot of things that are on us. I need people around me. I need to be able to share.

I need to be able to talk about that. Are there people that offer you encouragement, that looked…? We often talked about, I know I teach a lot lately on the inner circle, and do I have people that I can lean on, when I’m struggling, that can tell me the hard thing, they can tell me the good thing, that encouraged me, that lift me up, that also challenged me? But I think it’s a lot to have a listening ear, someone that will pay attention and care for you when you’re in a tough place. And not only self-care, but also, having a support network.

Chris Goede:

I love that. Not only for yourself, but also for your team. And maybe even as an organization, are there outside connections and vendors that you can just put in place that would build a support system that, at their discretion, they can go and use or tap into those? And so, just be thinking about that from a support system. I think it’s key to it. Number four, learn from mistakes. Resilient leaders view mistakes as learning opportunities. We view it the exact same way. We’re in alignment with that. And when leaders make mistakes, they can use that experience to improve the skills and help them avoid those mistakes in the future. Just make sure you’re learning from them, and don’t be hesitant about it. You’re going to make mistakes. Allow mistakes. I would say, even encourage mistakes, unless it becomes a fatal flaw for the organization. But what are we learning from them? And as you learn from them, you’ll become more resilient.

Perry Holley:

Yeah. I think about almost like psychological safety on the team. “Are mistakes okay? Or do I need to hide it? I can’t possibly tell you I have made a mistake, because I don’t know how you’re going to react.” So feeling safe and like I belong, it’s okay to share where I’m struggling, makes a lot of the ability to go through tough times a lot easier. I like that there’s really enough pressure right now to get things done, to get things done quickly, to keep the business moving, to keep things happening, but I don’t want people holding back or hiding things from me. I need to know that it’s okay to make… John calls it failing forward. And we want to make sure that we learn from every mistake or setback that we have. But a great way to get through with resilience is to know that I don’t have to carry more stress or weight because of my mistake.

I can just share it, learn from it, and move forward. Number five, we talked about on a couple of podcasts, but about embracing change. I find that, if you’re adaptable, what a great word for a leader, to really be adaptable and open to change, you just become more resilient. You’re not thrown off your game, because something in the plan changed, something in what your customers do, something in the market. You’re able to embrace change. You adjust. I think you said this recently about adjusting your plans. The vision doesn’t change, but the plans and strategies may change to get there. And by being able to do that, I don’t get overrun by the changes that are happening. I can be adaptable to that.

Chris Goede:

There are a lot of changes that will happen because of you, but then, also, without you, and to you. To you is probably the one that may impact us the most. And so, I think it was a former military leader that said, “If you don’t like change, you’ll like irrelevance a whole lot less.” And so, we need to be adaptable. We need to remain adaptable. And by doing that, we’ll be able to overcome a lot of things that we are currently facing. Well, number six is to stay positive. This is something that we can control. And as we think about developing this in ourselves and our teams, we absolutely control this. A positive attitude can help us face challenges, can help us understand and work through setbacks. It gives you a positive view of it, allows you to respond and to stay motivated and to bounce back during some of those failures or setbacks that you may have.

Perry Holley:

Well, I love that. And definitely, your attitude and your positive, optimistic outlook going through even tough times can help. I’ll go back to Eric Greitens and his book on resilience. One of the quotes that I’d captured there, he says, “Don’t expect a time in your life when you will be free of change, free of struggle, or free from worry.” He said, “To be resilient, you must understand that your objective is not to come to rest, because there is no rest.” I think, oftentimes, we think that, “Oh, I’ll just get…” I was on a call this morning. The guy said, “I just got to get to the end of March, and if I can just get through March, it’ll be better.” And I hated to tell him, there’s an old proverb that says, “Behind this mountain are more mountains.”

Chris Goede:

April’s coming.

Perry Holley:

Yeah, hat’s right. When I get to my next call, he’ll say, “Oh, I got to get through April.” Your objective is not to come to rest. Your objective is to, and this is another Eric Greitens, he said, “Use what hits you to change your trajectory to a positive direction.” And he said, “Resilience is often endurance with direction.” I love that.

Chris Goede:

That is so good.

Perry Holley:

Whatever hits you, it may knock you off path for a moment, but it just changes your trajectory into a path where you endure. And when you do these five or six things we talked about, I think it really helps us to be people of resilience, that we actually shine brightest when things are hardest.

Chris Goede:

I love that. Don’t just endure. Endure with direction. That is strong. I love that. Well, as we wrap up today around, this is just scratching the surface, we have more to come on this topic, not only for you to consume through podcasts, but also, we’re going to be working on some corporate training that we’ll be able to bring this to you. And what makes me think, as I wrap up here, is we had one of our newest executive facilitators and coaches come in and talk about resilience, a former military individual, extremely competent and strong when it comes to delivering content, and from his leadership experiences. And as I was thinking about this lesson, one way to wrap up today, he gave us this illustration and he said, “Hey, when you’re sitting on a chair, you got the four legs, no problem. Those four legs could be certain areas of your life.

They could be your personal life, your professional life, your spiritual life, your whatever, family.” So just pick four legs. And he said, “If you get completely out of whack and maybe one of the legs completely is awry, you can make it. You can be resilient. You can work through all those things, as you balance on those three legs. But man, if you let the third leg get swiped out from underneath you, it’s over.” And in essence, he was really talking about, how do we keep balance around each one of those four legs or those areas of our life? And I think it’s in direct alignment with what you talked about, with these principles of having a growth mindset, self-care, have a support team, learn from our mistakes, embrace the change, and then, stay positive. So you take those six principles, and you say, “Do I have those six principles in the four areas of my life?

And am I working on all different stages, no doubt, in different places?” But we got to make sure that we’re keeping that balance. I know balance is a hard word for us to talk about as leaders. I struggle with it. But as we have that balance, when we’re able to do that, I think, and his point was very well taken by me and our team was, when you have that, you can be extremely resilient, no matter what’s going on on one of those legs of the chair. So just keep that in mind. You can develop resilience, not only personally, but in your team. And one way to do it is to think about these six principles that Perry put together for us today.

Perry Holley:

Terrific. Well, thank you, Chris, and thank you all for joining. If you want to get that learner guide with these points, you can do that, as well as leave us a question or a comment or learn about our offerings. You can see all that at maxwellleadership.com/podcast. We love hearing from you. Very grateful you spend this time with us. That’s all today from the Maxwell Leadership Executive Podcast.